The Baker Who Didn't Know How To Bake
This is a true snapshot inspired by some very real & lovely people who I have given fictional names to.
2012 - A car park in the town centre
It was 4am & freezing when I first met the baker who didn’t know how to bake.
“Here’s your new trolley dolly Pete”
That quip about me was from beautiful blonde Pamela - who, I was soon to realise, was a highly imaginative & hilarious wind up merchant.
It took just 2 small tests to get a job in this supermarket bakery: Prove that you can load frozen cookies equally spaced on trays at lightening speed & answer the following questions
Have you ever had to lie? How did that make you feel & why?
Have you ever stolen anything? Why & how did it make you feel?
I can’t remember any other questions from my 5 minute interview, these stuck with me, I knew for a fact it didn’t involve any questions on baking, no reference to any skills I have, previous experience, no mention of my Bakery Diploma, only how trustworthy I was.
I also knew that I’d tried all the bakeries I actually wanted to work in - Brucciani’s who had a lovely response, Fiona Cairns, Patisserie Valerie & Geary’s (who were also in Ratby at the time) but no response from any. I wasn’t being snobby, I just wanted somewhere that might use more of the skills I’d been learning. Actually, my time at the bakery was alright, I loved the great variety of people I worked with & was looking at working my way up to Bakery Manager before I decided on a dramatic move to London that would finally use my skill craft.
Ups & Downs
Entering a walk in freezer to do a big stock take in the middle of winter was never pleasant, however, finding a colleague munching a full box of ice creams in the corner was a funny sight, they’d munched one but needed to ‘eat the rest to dispose of the evidence’… back to question 1 - I had to lie about where the ice creams went, that made me feel bad because it’s a lie.
The highlight of my day was drizzling the warm icing onto the freshly baked Cinnamon Swirls & if there was a ‘broken’ donut that couldn’t possibly go into a pack, well, question 2 - I might have stolen a hot broken sugary donut once, because it smelt so good & it made me feel all warm & fuzzy inside.
There are many stories that I won’t share but very much enjoyed hearing what creations Pamela had concocted to entertain me each day. Pete would tell me heart-warming stories of his children & partner who are clearly so loved & very lucky to have him. As I walked in each morning the mouth-watering smell of fresh bread filled the air. Pete had been busy baking all night, he’d hold up the most delicious looking, perfectly formed rolls, still warm, & say “look what I’ve made Luce!”. He was so proud of his work & should be. Only trouble was he didn’t know how. He knew exactly what to do to bake the perfect bread but didn’t know how it worked.
We all have an off day
One morning I came in to “oh Luce, I forgot to put the yeast in my bloomers this morning, I’m just baking it to see what happens”. Well I embarked on a lesson with my fresh knowledge of yeast being a bacteria that eats the sugars in flour, producing gas as it goes, leaving bubbles in the bread & helping it to grow & have good texture. Essentially we all eat little yeast farts & like it. He was amazed, something he’d been working with for 18 years & he finally knew how it worked.
Dodgy Robots
Another day, the baguette rolling machine gave up. I taught Pete how to roll baguettes by hand, he loved it & so did I. It took twice as long but I guarantee that if you bought a baguette in store that day it would have been a stunning handcrafted artisan work of art worthy of being in a top French bakery.
Pointy Waffles
I’ve been waffling on & must get to the point. Basically he didn’t know how to bake but he just did it. A natural, talented & enthusiastic baker - if we give him all the knowledge of how to bake, he could be the best baker that ever lived.
